Christine Strusz

Work is piling up on me, and there never seems to be enough time to catch up.  When I do have the time, the last thing I want to do… is catch up.

Compost is build, and some of the grass clippings, gum-balls, and leaves have been piled nicely in it. I ran out of energy  and did not get the entire yard cleared, but it made me feel better. I have yet to start adding the compost that is gathering in my refrigerator.

I have been car shopping… and researching, and running numbers for the past week.

The Nissan is on the market, for sale… and honestly it hurts a little.

I didn’t plan on a car purchase, but I really don’t see any other way to save money on gas, and lesson the impact I am making on the environment. Maybe this will take a little weight of my conscience, and lighten the financial load to free up a few other project funds.

My little sister sent me some info on a few solar panels for sale, but I do not think that is within the budget on the moment.  Not to mention, I think they would power a computer or television for only a few hours.  (If someone could just plaster my roof with panels, I would appreciate it)

There are still drafts in my house from the doors, and doggy door.  This needs to be fixed ASAP. No excuse for letting the energy run out those spots, environmentally, and for the sake of my pocket book.

On a lighter, less important note.  I managed to start working out again.  Three runs, and two cross fit home work outs in a week.  Not bad,. I start the rec center on Monday, and look forward to the barefoot class my sister Blessing raves about. I think the rec is going to take some adjustment, but it is workable. Getting into a body I am comfortable with would enable me to be able to swim again.  At the moment putting on a swimsuit and jumping in the pool to do laps does not appeal to me.

I had my first Costa Rica trip class tonight, and it was fun watching the kids get excited as my co-worker explained some of the itinerary and details.  Something about the words “night patrol,” “volcanoes,” “sea-turtles,” and sunscreen really got me excited. This is the trip of a lifetime for me.  Something I have always been interested in.  The opportunity to volunteer in Costa Rica is a blessing, and dream.  (For those that don’t know me.  I am taking 9 students, with two other members of the faculty for a 9 day excersion in sea-turtles recue)

We also get a day at an organic farm?!?!?

Unbelievable.

I have been through so much in regards to fitness in the last year.  I have tried many things, and found one that mildly kept me interested and focused.  Crossfit.  I found it challenging, but money became an issue.

Between crossfit, and my Birkam yoga I was spending over a 100 dollars a month on fitness alone.  All things that I can do at home, or in the free gym at school.

So, I stopped the crossfit payments and bit the bullet.  This has become a serious issue.  I have found that attending a class, or a gym with people keeps me motivated as I am very competitive, but not so much with myself.

I have only run a few times in the last few weeks temporarily still have my once a week heated yoga), and take short walks.  I may on occasion do some planks or situps.  (Shakes head)

This is a shame, and is wearing on my energy level, stress level, and overall mental health.  I had to come up with some sort of compromise until I can get myself to a place of self-motivation.  At that point I would feel confident going on my own, and setting up my backyard for the fitness my body and mind desires.

My plan.

The local college rec center is offering an awesome special.  25 dollars a month.  I can start on the 20th. I will drop the yoga class, and purchase a DVD to attempt to do it at home, as I love it.  This will be my first step in acquiring the motivation i need to be successful on my own.  Then I will slowly begin building my backyard fitness. Starting with a box for box jumps, and a pull-up bar.  I also printed some “at-home” ready workouts for crossfit.  I plan to begin those this weekend.

Whew.

The road to self improvement on a budget is complicated!

A short update on my quest for a less negative ecoprint.

My recycling is back in order, it is not fully the way I would permenatly like it, but the system is in place and it is solid.  The debate in my head with this is weather or not to continue to use my trash companies recycling, or to drop it off somewhere myself.  Part of me is wondering if it is really even being recycled.  Research that to follow. I see a visit in my future.  (7 dollars a month for recycling in my city)  This would also solve another problem of cutting out spending. One of my personaly goals at the moment.

I have been saving my compost in the fridge since my first post.  I have the pallets waiting for a decent day and enough light to complete my bin, and look forward to getting my yard back in order and starting that project.  It has been difficult to rememeber to compost everything versus simply dumping it into the trash.  Especially the coffee and filters.

I have not purchased any papercups from the the local coffee places.  However, I have also not gone in to get coffee in my reusable cup!  I need to do this, just to make sure it can really happen.  It is nice not to spend money on coffee however, so I can count that as savings.

I have been thinking much about illuminating my amounts of trash.  I have no put my reusable grocery bags back into the car where they belong, and plan to use them for as much as possible.  Including vegetables, versus bagging them.  I have no idea how to avoid the styrofoam that meat comes nicely packaged in.

I am giving serious thought to a more environmentally friendly, and fuel efficient car.  This contributes to bettering my two main concerns.  Footprint, and money.

I am a documentary hound.  I love them, and I love netflix.  The last two I have watched, “No-Impact man,” and “Dive” have really started the head spinning effect.

My environmental impact sucks.  I talk a lot, research a lot, and do very little.  I have slacked off on my obsessive recycling, have been horrible at turning of lights, and even catch myself tossing my coffee grounds and filters!  These are three of the simplest things I can do! I used to consider myself “in-touch” with the environment.  The past weeks this has REALLY been wearing me down. I feel like the Paleo challenge was a cleansing for me, my body, my mind, but I am still missing something essential. The realization was simple. What else do I care so much about… my dog, and my woods.

This morning in particular I was thinking about how many of those damn starbucks and local coffee cups I use.  Yes, I recycle the cute little brown band that keeps my hands from burning, but really?  I have three reusable coffee mugs in a cabinet as I type this.  Why isn’t there one in my car, ready for those break down moments when I want coffee on the fly?

It comes down to two things.  1)I have gotten lazy.  There is really no excuse for not doing your part. 2)I wasn’t sure if I could bring in my cups, and because I am so anxiety ridden… I never bothered to ask!  I turned to my best friend google this morning, and it turns out you can!?  (*smacks forehead) I am officially a contribute to a huge problem.

I have decided to attempt to clean up my environmental impact.  Yes, I realize this is trendy… but I am serious.  I owe it to the fantastic land that I experienced this summer!  I love being outside, yet I am not taking care of the soil I hike on.

The plan, as of now…

I am planting a garden, actually… “we” are planting “gardens.”  One in my yard, and a bigger one in Betsy yard. (I have never really had my own house to be able to do this with!)

I am setting up my obsessive recycling bins again, and attempting to stay away from plastic.  (I have yet to figure out how I am going to do this yet) Also, I plan on helping Betsy refine her method to make it easier, as she has been asking me to.

Eventually, I would like to make my own cleaners, a good friend once told me if you can smell the cleaner, its not safe. (this is tough for me, as I am a bit of a bleach lover.  Especially in the kitchen)

I have started saving compost again, we eat a lot of vegetables and fruit! (and my coffee consumption is disturbing)

I am going to start  homemade compost pile, as I refuse to “buy” one.

I am researching rain barrels, again, I refuse to “buy” one.

I will pay more attention to my obsessive amount of electronics and the energy in consumes when I am not using it. (Including the lights)

I have started vermicomposting with my class at school, but will build one for home as well.

I even looked up some how to on solar-panels.  (I don’t think this is going to happen any time soon)

Bottom line.  I am going to make some effort.  Money will slow me down, ironically enough, and I am not riding my bike 15 miles to work everyday(I can’t afford a Prius but want something with better gas mileage).

Betsy wants a farm, maybe someday we can be self-sufficient.  Again, start small. Maybe she will get her chickens.

I completed this. I had planned to write of the struggles, the moments of weakness, the recipes, grocery shopping, planks, supplements, and overall impact on my life.

Mission failed.

To sum things up, it was amazing.  It is still amazing.  I don’t think I can stop now, and I don’t want to. I miss my tribe (everyone else in the challenge,) and collecting the points on my daily worksheet.  I miss the race!  I did write a reflection, and when I locate it on the other laptop I will post it.

I haven’t written, or posted rather, because of internal issues. Mainly, I was frustrated with not continuing the blog after I got home from my summer drive about, and therefore had a mental block as to where to start. I felt as though I let myself down by not posting all of my epiphanies, everything that I wanted to change, or felt I needed to still process through.

I came across a quote a while back, and this morning it is stuck in my mind.  Something about starting with one stone to fill a bucket.  Not that anyone would want to fill a bucket with rocks. Well, maybe I would.. I am sure, at some point in my life.  My second mental block comes down to my OCD.  Wanting to make sure everything is proof read, spell-checked and makes sense.  My solution to this as of this morning was simply,  I have to stop caring.  If my dyslexia and random thoughts are organized, spell checked and grammatically correct, everything changes in my writing.  I second guess myself, readjust, and spend much to long trying to make it perfect, or perfect in my mind.  (*shrugs shoulders) The outcome?  I don’t write. I can’t let that continue to hinder this. I do this for myself above all other things and any stragglers that find it amusing.

Calico, Grand canyon

Not yet posted Utah

Since my grandmother mentioned it in her fantastic post, I thought I would say a little blurb.

My grandparents are notorous for stopping at the most interesting places. Historical, fun, just because.. and side of the highway wonders. you name it.  We (the grandkids) have been stopping with them for many, many years! (Any of you can pipe in your stories here….)

These places are almost always fantastic once we get there. However, there have been a few trips that  the grandkids later opened lawsuit because of the trauma caused. (Jamie should be posting a story about this!)

Calico Ghost town was a pretty cool place. Located in Yermo, California and nestled in the hills Calico Ghost town features memories of California’s silver strike days.  Five original buildings and a refurbished town feature all kinds of awesome activities from camping, food, train rides, and mine tours.  We walked up and down the streets of the town, dined, and rode the train for a tour of the mining areas.  The views were brilliant, and the town was alive and breathing just like no time had passed!

Dreams Come True

Chrissy planned to visit us on her trip across country.  She always lights up our lives.  She did as a child and has for some time now as a young woman.   It is natural to see her doing this journey with Rory and taking in the many landscapes across this country that’s also called out to so many of us.   Chrissy’s travels have also “been a trip for me.”   Following her blog has been a daily priority for me.

Before leaving Illinois, she and I were talking about places which she might interesting.  I mentioned that my dream was to walk on the Skywalk at the west side of Grand Canyon.   She said, “I will take you with me and we will do that.”  She briefly talked of her fear of heights…and she would walk the Skywalk anyway if we went together.   Told Grandpa we were doing this and…he seriously said, “Not me.”  Part of this journey turned out to show them both they had hidden strengths, that the Grand Canyon gave them.

The Skywalk is a project of the Hualapai Nation whose spiritual connection to the Grand Canyon is beautiful in itself.   Magnificent does not even come close to describing the results of the Skywalk.  They made it possible for anyone to stand over the canyon, experience the canyon walls below and in places see the Colorado River going its own way down the canyon.  I do suggest to any reader that they check out the web site, www.grandcanyonskywalk.com.

To reach the Grand Canyon, we spent most of our time in our separate cars.  (Hers packed to continue her journey from Arizona.  Our hotel in Kingman Arizona was a welcome sight after our long trip from central California, through hot, and what felt like harshly forsaken desert.  Rory made herself at home after saying “hi” to friends she met in the halls hotel.

The next day after a great breakfast and providing Rory with sausage we all traveled in one car, following directions to west side of the canyon.    But a while after entering Hualapai land the road became bumpy and our car actually changed colors the farther we got.  Dust, dirt road quite a long ways.  Each driver that sped around us left a heavy cloud of fine dust consuming us.  OK, a bit unkind.   But indeed, the landscape was beautiful.   It was a two hour trip of many colors.

Chrissy had to leave Rory in the Hualapai Ranch Kennel before we could start the Skywalk experience.  My heart ached for Chrissy because she had to put her in pen which was in a barn…with big horses being saddled for tours.  It was hard for us both but leaving Rory there…wasn’t what we wanted to do.  In addition to worrying about Rory she had the other battle too, walking about on a slab of glass, the only thing between her and a 4,000 foot drop to the canyon floor below.

To make matters a bit worse for me, Jim (Gramps) does not ever want me near any edge of any kind.   He had a fear of heights forever and many years ago had a dream where I went over a deep ravine, and as he watched, I reached out to him as I continued to fall.  Oh yes, he was dramatic and emotional about it when he told me.   I never thought he would venture onto the Skywalk and was unsure if he could watch me go.  No, being a psychologist didn’t help him.  Each in our own way we all were super excited in anticipation of the Skywalk.  People in line for this were also mostly quiet, and some seemed to be going through the same feelings Chrissy and Gramps were.   Gramps told us while moving through the line that he was working on “his fear of fear.”

We checked in and in the appropriate place, were given booties for our shoes to wear on the Skywalk.   We were led through security screening.  Like everyone else we cautiously began to step on this beautiful work of art, the glass Skywalk.  It was in the shape of an horseshoe and extended 70 out over the canyon, and appeared to be essentially resting over nothing but air…4,000 feet straight down.

Some visitors slid slowly and hesitantly onto it foot by foot.  Shining Star (Chrissy), Grandpa and I went forward…carefully too.  It took a few minutes for each of us to stop our preoccupation with footing and take in the amazing sights the canyon walls offered.   At that point it became a very personal and somewhat emotional but tranquil experience.   Eventually I was absolutely brought back to earth (so to speak), as I watched Gramps “facing his fear of fear.”  He was doing it!    Chrissy did it.  I felt like it was an unbelievable and in its own way, extreme, adventure.

It wasn’t over after we left the Skywalk.   There were three places on the canyon to visit and great comfy busses took us there.  At those points you could see different canyon view points, have lunch, and buy water…which was a necessity in the heat.  At the end of those tours Chrissy and her Grandpa prepared to board a gorgeous maroon helicopter, by the name of Maverick.   It was Chrissy’s first helicopter ride…   Another plus on her trip.

I watched them take off and knew they were going to have the time of their lives.  It did occur to me that since the sides of helicopter were fully glass that Chrissy might feel a little uncomfortable.  I was wrong.   Again.

They were with two others besides the pilot.   For the photographer that Chrissy is, it was heaven.   They dropped down 3,500 feet below the rim and cruised inside the canyon.  A landing place at the bottom gave Chrissy a great chance to take pictures.  The other woman in her helicopter apparently had a new camera.  Chrissy came to her rescue during the flight and showed her how to use it, in spite of each of them wearing a 5-point harness and using earphones with speakers.  (That woman actually may be grateful to her the rest of her life as she shows off her pics from the bottom of the canyon.)   They spent about 15 minutes there taking pictures and enjoying it then took off again.  They were both walking on clouds when they finished this ride.

Meanwhile back at the Hualapai Ranch, Rory has been in another time zone.     Rory’s in the (possibly 8 x 10) cage in the barn with horses milling all over and she had full vision of the Old West main (and only) street.  I reached the ranch to pick her up during the helicopter ride.   (My intentions were to save Chrissy from seeing her beloved pet suffering in the cage.)   By then all the entertainment was going full blast at the ranch (there really were blasts).  By then, Rory was witnessing the old wild west shows put on for tourist, gun fights, knife throwing, and horses being saddled up to take tourists down the canyon.  It was so loud when I got out of the car, I knew immediately Rory was hearing loud goings-on and likely miserable.   I walked to the barn feeling terrible but when Rory saw me she just simple stood up and wagged her tail.  I felt better at that point.  No barking, pushing to get out.  But she was very glad to see me.  I felt flattered.   Two cowboys working with the horses were sitting on a bench a few feet from Rory.  They were interested in her, speaking to her and began asking me questions about her.  Rory is a beauty and has a peaceful demeanor, who could not like her.

OK, couldn’t find the leash in the car.  I made a make-shift leash, extra-long plastic bag with a red draw string at the top.  One of the cowboys helped tie the red draw string through Rory’s collar.  Will work great, I thought…for only a few seconds.  Rory is a natural tracker.   Walked out of her cage, started pulling strongly forward out of the barn a different path than I took to get in.  Her nose was to the ground, following the path Chrissy took to take her into the barn.  The nose was down and straining against the leash.   Didn’t get far until the plastic bag began to stretch and Rory was not going to slow down.   She continued on her quest with determination, the nose on the ground, through the old gate, to the porch with a board sidewalk.  She wanted to get on that board walk, continue following Chrissy’s scent to the store she had been in.  The guns going off, horses, tourist…nothing was going to stop her from finding Chrissy.  Just before she got to the door, I physically took her off the porch, put my hand on her collar and led her to the car.   And, you guessed it, it wasn’t easy.  At least she wasn’t mad at me but instead, popped right into the back seat of the car, made her way to passenger seat in front and seemed to say, let’s get the show on the road.  I took her back to pick up Gramps and her beloved Chrissy.  Rory was content just seeing her but not abused or disheveled.

We Found ourselves back on the road again eating dust.  We all were still somewhat in awe of being on the glass above that Grand Canyon.   But since we had no lunch soon began to talk about where to eat when we got back to civilization.  Stopped at Panda in Kingman, went to the hotel and ate in the pleasant breakfast room.  We talked about our fantastic day, wondrous Skywalk, overcoming fear itself, the trip in general, and of course Rory.   Getting out of the heat was a real treat.   Later in the evening Chrissy and Rory went to a nice dog park.  I believe Chrissy got some CrossFit exercise in, as she tried to do daily.

It was hard on all of us when we had to go our separate ways, us back to Central California and Chrissy to Utah.  I felt I was in some surreal thing going on, not quite ready to give up a fantastic vacation with Chrissy.  We found a place where we could pick up some lava rocks that Chrissy wanted to take home especially for Christy.  It broke up our long drive back and let me believe we were doing something Chrissy wanted to do on the way down.  Traffic was heavy on way to Las Vegas and there was no safe place to stop.  So this quest was a continuation of our time with her.  As we got nearer to home but still in the desert and hills, we passed the “Calico Ghost Town” sign engraved high on a hill near Barstow.   A reminder of  another adventure shared recently with Chrissy.

There we were and in a way she was still with us.

Written by “The Grandmother”

Before I get started I need to mention that I am an anxiety ridden person. This has been with me for a very long time, and became much worse after the loss of a very good… friend. I don’t know where it comes from, and some days are worse then others.  I would like to say it id my ADHD, but I am not certain.  I just know that people don’t understand what it takes for some of us to leave the house in the morning, not to mention walk into situations that other people make very uncomfortable.

I mentioned in my blog intro that I would eventually expand a bit on my fear of public restrooms.  With a little prompting from a friend, I am going to attempt to explain this fear, to the best of my ability.

Most of you will assume that it is germ related. When, in fact, it is actually people.  Yes, people…

I am a girl.  This is very obvious to those that know me. Not so much to those that do not. Especially, when it comes to the bathroom. This is just one area of my life that this fact effects me on a day to day basis.

I knew this trip would bring some difficulty for me in relationship to this very topic. Especially considering I would be in many remote areas, with small gas stations, and rest stops where people aren’t quite as accepting as they are in many parts.

Typically, when I enter a restroom it is almost always true that I can expect some sort of a reaction from someone entering the restroom, already in the restroom, or leaving the restroom.  Often even store clerks or other customers nowhere near the restroom.

What kind of reaction you may ask? Every kind you could imagine. Among the more vocal ones are “Sir, this is the   women’s restroom!” and “Mom, there is a boy in here.”  Now there are the non-verbal cues as well.  The looks, the grunts, the up and downs… the moving out of the way as if not only am I in the wrong restroom, but I might attack!

Why?  I don’t know, for me it is very obvious that I am female.  I have boobs, and other feminine features. My eye lashes for instance, are very feminine. Or so I have been told.  Now, I realize that I am a “tomboy,” usually in a t-shirt and baggy jeans and it hides my curves and features. Still, I think it is pretty obvious.  Apparently, maybe not.

Women are the worst, most men just keep walking. Women have to stop, and either look me up and down, or turn to look at the women’s restroom sign to confirm that they indeed are not using the wrong bathroom themselves. I do chuckle a little as I imagine their immediate thought is of embarrassment for being in the wrong place.

It is pretty common knowledge for anyone that knows me that I get called sir often.  This, I have slowly gotten used too.  However, it is a little disheartening when attending a family dinner, or with parents of my students.  I usually just ignore and shrink a little lower in my chair, hoping that they do not acknowledge me again.

Now, the bathroom has recently become quite the issue.  There are times I would rather pee on the side of the road then enter a public bathroom.  I absolutely dread it. So, over time I have developed several strategies to deal with this issue.

First, I enter the business and scope out the joint.  I can usually tell if it is a single bathroom, or one with several stalls.  I listen for the hair dryer, and make sure their is no embarrassing line I have to stand in. If there is a line, I will either leave, or busy myself until it has dwindled down completely.  Unless of course, I have had a positive interaction with the person in line and feel comfortable enough to stand with them.

Now, when the coast is clear, I usually enter very quickly, I am a stealth like Ninja in these circumstances, and very fast to do my business. In these cases I wash my hands quickly, rarely dry them, wrap my t-shirt around the door, open and run.

The worst places for me, are the super busy ones…. like the zoo, or the airport!  They have that open door with a million stalls and a million people doing theirbusiness, washing their hands and walking out.  This is when I do “the boob.”

Yes..  I walk, quickly, with no eye contact and stick my boobs out as much as possible.  Weaving in and out of the people, praying that there is a stall empty and waiting, and try not to run them over with my “boob” walk.

There are times.  When I find peace in a bathroom all by myself.  Then, a person comes in and makes themselves at home in the stall next to me.  This is all about timing.  Will I make it out of my stall in time to wash my hands and fly out the door before there done? Or do I need to wait.. and sometimes… I sit.  and wait.

You may think this is silly, but running smack into a person at the sink watching there facial expression explore your body in its entirety is a little rough.  Especially when you experience it so often.

I have held it many times, just to avoid these situation. Sometimes, I am lucky enough to be with friends, where I feel like I have back up, and I do the walk and talk.  Casually, as though I belong there, blending in the best I can.

Now, you also have to understand that I come off as a confident person, at least I think I do.  I am secure in who I am, I can say that.

Which makes me even more angry when a simple thing, like using the restroom causes me such trauma in my day to day life.